Well, here I am, left alone again... Dearie had left for Netherlands last night. Alhamdulillah, at least I got to see him and sent him off at the airport with his parents.

I am really thankful to God that now his parents have accepted me. Imagine the pain if it is still the same situation as last time, when they were against our relationship. I would be even more sad at this moment. Although I am sad, it is not so bad, since at least we get to spend some moments together before he took his plane.

Yesterday, at around 5+pm, Dearie fetched me at my house, then we went to buy some last minute stuff for him, then we headed back to his house. Ate early dinner with my Dearie at his house, then we all got ready for prayers. Then, we all left for the airport. Before we left, my dad called and talked to my Dearie.

As we were walking out and waiting for the cab, my heart began to feel more and more sad. But I talked to myself, be thankful that at least this time, I get the chance to send him off. But at the airport itself, I was really2 sensitive. We bumped into his friend, and he only introduced his parents to him, whereas I was standing there right beside him. I felt even more pain then. Dearie apologised many times because he was sad too to leave me, and so he just wasn't thinking clearly actually. Imagine, he was to go to Netherlands all by himself, and then take the train to somewhere all by himself. I was so very worried when I heard about it from him. Alhamdulillah, he just called me about half hour ago, and said that he is at the office now. There it is only 3+pm now. Oh well, let bygones be bygones. I just want him to return safe and sound.

Ever since Dearie told me about the news (not the Netherlands news, the news about our....) all I could think about is that. I really hope its a wish come true. And, strange as it sounds, I am actually more excited about something else than the engagement itself. I am more excited and can't wait when the moment comes and we have our own family. I think, what with most of my friends around me already having families, getting preggy, I find myself imagining what it would be like to carry his baby. Hehehe... Slap me if you must for I am over-dreaming. I myself don't know why I am feeling this way. If I tell Dearie about this, I am sure he would laugh his head off, but happy, nevertheless. :)

I did tell one colleague of mine about this strange feeling, and she told me, maybe it is because I am with my Dearie for nearly 6 years now, and so, it is expected that the time to get engaged and married is coming along. That is something that will happen, she said, because, if what me and Dearie have is something that is not good, and has less chance of lasting long, it would not have lasted up to now. And so, because the engagement and marriage part is already so-called expected, it is the part after that, the pre-wedding, she says, that makes me more excited than the wedding itself. The idea of me and Dearie together as hubby n wife, having babies with him, thats what makes me want the marriage to take place. It is not for the wedding itself, it is for the life with him after the wedding. Sounds complicated? Tell me about it... She explained it to me once, and I spent like how many hours thinking about it, and now, as I am blogging, I finally understood what she meant. And yes, she is right.

That doesn't mean I am not excited about getting engaged n married. I am. I am 1 seriously confused/excited/happy/sad/lonely lady. Now as we all know (I mentioned in my earlier blog), this is only gonna take place in 2010, aft November (insyaAllah), but somehow, I keep thinking n talking about it to Dearie. I dunno y. Let me try to stop talking abt it in blog etc, and see if I will survive. Hohohoho....

Oh well, I better rest now. I hardly slept coz I cried buckets last night at home when I returned from the airport. (Hey I am still sad and missing my Dearie although I am excited at the same time. Told you I'm confused!) :P

Dearie, I miss you, pls take care of yourself and have proper meals. Remember your promise... :P

Your loving girl, darling, future fiancee/wife. (I can't help myself yea...!)