Without fail, every year, when it is nearly Hari Raya, me and Dearie sure have more problems on our shoulders. Don't wanna go into details, just makes me more in pain emotionally. The factor that causes all the friction between me and Dearie is clear, its because Dearie's parents still cannot accept my presence in his life. I have been hanging on for 4 years, yet things are still the same. Now, as days go by, I can't help but feel that Dearie's love for me is deteriorating.... He keeps on snapping at me lately, and ordering me around.... Last night, after he buka-ed puasa at home, he came over my place. But things did not look up at that time. He came, solat, (i can't coz stil having red light), and watched soccer on cable. I was making my cake when Dearie watched soccer. I felt like we were in 2 different worlds, we never talked. I initiated conversations, but Dearie was too engrossed in the soccer to even bother wat I was talking about to him.
Today, I finished work at 1130. When I was at home, Dearie called, saying he's on the way back home. He always keep things from me, I wonder why. He asked me if I wanna teman him go cut hair n buy stuffs, and so I was waiting for him to inform me when I should go down. But tup-tup-tup, he never answered my calls and never replied my messages, and I found out, he's already at home. Haiz.... I'm so sad.... Maybe its just my fate... I do so pray so hard that Dearie's parents will open up their heart soon...
Dearie.... I know things are hard for you, stuck between me and family, but please please please don't treat me til that extend. So sad.... Be honest.... I'm not just a doll you know.... Tears...
To all my friends, don't blame Fandi. I accept all that he did to me as ujian from Allah.... Insya Allah when his parents change their minds and open their hearts, things will look upwards then.... Right now, all I need is support from you girls.... Fandi is a good guy, he leads me to the righteous path, can bimbing me, its just this flaw....
Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Batin to all Muslims and Muslimahs. To Dearie, Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Batin. Forgive me if I was rude to you, controlling you as you accused me lately, etc. Whatever you wish to do is up to you now. I won't bother you as you wish. I suppose we wont be spending time together like we did before, like we used to. Not if you don't want to. If you not happy seeing me, there's no point I ask you to. I just want you to be happy. Maybe all this while you are just suffering with me. Sorrow..... I miss you Dearie.... Tears... I miss the guy who I met and fell in love with.... Tears..... Hope you enjoy yourself then. As long as you happy, I'm ok, even if I'm flooded with tears....
Now Dearie just sent me sms. He actually went to cut hair tadi, when in the 1st place he wanted me to accompany him. Tears n more tears..... Ya Allah, berikan lah hamba mu kekuatan dan ketabahan....
