I'm feeling terribly sad. My mum is not talking to me. The reason....
Just now, my whole family went to fetch my youngest sister from her tuition centre, and we went to Geylang to eat because my mum did not cook today. After we ate at Hajah Maimunah, which was really nice by the way, my mum wanted to sit at the open space at Joo Chiat, because there was to be a performance there i guess; there was a stage and many people were setting up the place etc. One guy working at Joo Chiat Complex had said that the concert will start at 2. So, after we finished eating, which was around 145, we went and sat down there. Only me, mum and adik sat there. My dad and older sister went to wait inside the complex itself. Hence, we waited.... and waited.... 215... nothing.... 225... nothing... at around 240, i was getting tired, and said to my mum for how long more she wanna wait there. She replied, if we wanna go back first go ahead, later mum and adik will take bus ride home. We came with my sister's car. In my heart, "HUH?"... I said that instead of just waiting there, we might as well go home, and let my younger sister study, her exams, the major exams, PSLE is coming. Mum merely said, oh never mind, Later when we balik i ask her to study.
Then my older sister called. Guess she got bored waiting too. But because i can't hear her due to the noise, i went inside the complex and talked to her. She said she n my dad wanna go back, because tired already.Then i told them what my mum told me. I cut the story short ah... Too sad to say out everything. I went to my mum again, and said the same thing to her again. Again she refused. Then i said to her, i just want my sister to study, her exams are coming soon... I guess my mum got unhappy, but she still sat there. When i gave up, i did not know wat to say anymore, i just said never mind den, and i walked off. My mum then called out to me n said ok lah we balik... But her face was really2 unhappy. When my dad asked why she suddenly wanna balik, my mum started to cry silently. In my heart, i was 'o'oh'... I then told my older sister of my intention, and I then cried. I mean... is it wrong that i suggest we balik n let my sister study for her exams? I dunno... In the car, i told my dad why I suggested that they balik also, but... my dad reprimanded me. He said next time don't care about your sister. He said that he has told my sister many times that she must pass the exams or else he'll cane her. In my heart, I was saying, but nobody encourages her to study, all they ever do is just watch tv, go hols or just go out shopping, etc.
I dunno... I'm so depressed. Because on thursday night, I have made my mum cried too. She had wanted to borrow money from me, because she need the money for her check-up the following day. I honestly told her that I do not have enough, and that in fact, I have been helped a lot financially by my Dearie. Then she got worried and said that she has got not enough to pay... I was sincere when i gave this comment, "If mama already know that we need the money for your check-up and medication, why do you still insist on going for the weekend hols always..." I seriously did not have the intention to hurt my mum, I love her dearly. But before I knew it, she started crying. I felt bad of course, I mean, obviously i would have given the money if i could afford it. But, what can I do, so without telling my mum, I went to the nearest ATM and withdrew some money for her. Now, in my savings, there's just a small pathetic amount. But, I have no choice. I feel very sinful that I made her cry, and today, I made her cry a bit. My dad, he didn't know that mum borrowed money from me. My mum never tells him everytime she does that. Can somebody please tell me if i am being a bad daughter? I am soooo sad....
I'll be meeting Dearie later after he finish work, insya Allah, hopefully. Hope I'll be smiling again.... Sorry again my dearest mama... I never meant to hurt you... I love you... :< (tears)
