Sad start of the week....

My Dearie's grandpa, on his dad's side, just passed away earlier today. The strange part was, although I did not have the chance to get to know Dearie's late grandpa, I stil felt sad, and felt as though it was my grandpa who had passed away. I even cried just now after getting to know the news, when Dearie msg me. After wiping my tears, I called Dearie to check on him, I mean, after all, the person who had passed away was his grandpa. Then, after ending the call, I smsed Dearie to ask if he would like me to go to his late grandpa's house to visit, and to give support to my Dearie. The reply, "No need to come tau". I was shocked and felt so sad. I thought we would share all times together, no matter happy or sad, good or bad. I guess it was because Dearie's parents are against our relationship. But in my heart, I felt that even if that was the reason, if I come to visit, don't tell me they would be so cold-hearted to drive away someone who sincerely just wanna come visit and to give support to a family who has just lost someone dear to them? I dunno... I felt really sad, and even worst, I felt useless, like I am not able to be with my Dearie thru this sad phase of his life. Hmmm...

After that episode, for the rest of the day at work, I was sad; I just put on a mask wearing a happy face. I could feel my heart crying, and that there were tears in my eyes, which I quickly willed away. Thanks to my lovely children, especially Lionel, I made it through the day.

As I am typing now, it has been hours since I last heard from Dearie. Maybe I am the one who is selfish, I dunno, but Dearie, I just wish you would share with me what you are going through right now. I am here to share with you everything you know. In my heart now I am sad, devastated, very empty inside, and I believe that's what you are feeling too, I know that's what you are feeling now. But I redha, I accept it if you don't find the need to share with me all these. Maybe you just don't see what I hope to do to help you. It's ok, I accept. Sorry if I am just being selfish to you, and sorry if you feel I am selfish, but I juat wish you would share with me... It is ok then...

Ya Allah, tabahkanlah hati Fandi serta keluarganya diatas kepergian arwah atok Fandi. Rahmatilah roh arwah atok Fandi... Ya Allah... berikanlah hamba Mu kekuatan dan ketabahan untuk menghadapi apa jua cabaran hidup ini Ya Allah.... Amin...



Dearie, I just wanna let you know that even though you do not allow me to go over there, I'm there with you in our hearts, and in spirit. I hope that you would be able to open up and share with me your feelings now, I am here for you. But, if you refuse to talk to me up to tomorrow, or whenever, I redha and accept. I guess then my presence is not required. Take care Dearie... Love and miss you.... Cry2....